dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its about making memories worth repressing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
