3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
