just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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