I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
