I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
