so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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