Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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