he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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