my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
