Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
