my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
