Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
