Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
