You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just google imaged poop.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
