never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
