Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
