Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
