You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
