I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
