Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
