Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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