i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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