Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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