I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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