More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
