im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
