wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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