I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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