so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
