I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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