Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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