Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
