can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
