Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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