Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
