is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
