Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
