I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
