just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
