nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
