I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
