i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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