She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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