I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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