Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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