This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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