Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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