I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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