I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
