THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
