No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
