There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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