I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
