i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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