How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Houston, we have a blender
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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