Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
love makes seman taste better
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
