so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
