So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
