I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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