I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
