tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
