I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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