Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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