I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
